Transforming Conflict

JBVISTA Reflections

Multiple Overwhelmings Part 5

by Julie and David Beedon • 9 April 2020

In Nicola Slee’s observations on multiple overwhelmings (see previous blogs) she suggests three ways of looking at the experience: Immersion, Tension and Attention. Immersion - Lose yourself in the experience Some years ago David experienced a bout of depression brought on by overwhelmings arising in a number aspects of his life at that time. The biggest lesson he learned was that whilst ever he tried to stay in control well-being was going to elude him. The more he tried to be in control of events, the more he failed and the worse he felt. It seemed very counter-intuitive but it was through learning to let go - scary as that was - that well-being came. As Julie often says, “You have to let go to let come.” In OD circles we talk about ‘leaning into’ experiences so as to learn from them. Of course there is a balance, David guides: “Lean in, but don’t fall in!” Tension - Work with the interplays between overwhelmings In response to the second Blog in this series someone tweeted a very helpful example to illustrate this metaphor: parenting a young child. Childbirth in and of itself can be overwhelming in both a traumatic and an immensely joyful way. The overwhelming some new mothers experience can lead to post-natal depression. Early years parenting (or, in our case, grandparenting!) can bring the multiple overwhelmings of sleep deprivation, first-steps / developmental joys, perpetual anxiety over your child’s we’ll-being and safety….and the list goes on. We are not sure that the notion of a ‘successful parent’ is a helpful one but certainly the ‘good enough parent’ (see work of Winnicott and Bowlby) is one who manages the tensions and interplays of the multiple overwhelmings parenting brings. Attention - Attend to the totality of possibilities and choices…and focus As we write this, discussion is taking place about the ‘When and How’ of lifting the Covid-19 lockdown, although this obviously isn’t going to be any time soon. We do not envy those entrusted with eventually making this decision as timing is crucial. There is a wicked interplay of factors. Primary is ensuring the NHS is not overwhelmed and avoidable deaths are minimised. But alongside this are the economic effects of a protracted lockdown leading to a serious downturn or even depression - themselves realities that will bring further hardship, suffering and shortened lives. Finally, there are issues of mental health. As David observed during his prison work, confinement is especially detrimental to those who have suffered childhood trauma or other forms of anxiety. As the restrictions extend there will undoubtedly be an upturn in breakdowns and suicides. Few of us can affect much of these things but that is not the same as not being able to do anything. In each moment ask yourself, “What one thing can I do now that might make some difference?” Go for a walk (social-distancing)? Write a poem (or journal) to process how you are feeling? Phone a friend or elderly relative? Do some productive work? Whilst you have the agency to make choices the overwhelmings are not paralysing you. The many images we see of frontline NHS staff on wards battling against the effects of the virus show them focussing on the one important thing at a time. This is not to say they don’t feel overwhelmed - of course they do. But we guess if they stopped and let it all overwhelm them, they would buckle. Question: What’s the one thing you can do that would make a difference in your multiple overwhelmings at this very moment?

Multiple Overwhelmings Part 4

by Julie and David Beedon • 8 April 2020

In her next development of the notion of multiple overwhelmings Nicola Slee flags up six understandable but inadequate responses to negative experiences of being caught up or swept along by unwelcome events. This blog reflects upon them in the context of the coronavirus outbreak. 1. Denial (Masking / Faking / Smiling) Maya Angelou’s poem The Mask describes the survival response that she and other black people practiced in the otherwise overwhelming experience of daily oppression: We wear the mask that grins and lies. It shades our cheeks and hides our eyes. This debt we pay to human guile With torn and bleeding hearts… Perhaps sometimes, for a while, the only immediate hope in the face of overwhelmings is to assume a survival stance. The reality is too overwhelming to bear otherwise. We currently see this in the pained expressions on the face of healthcare professionals battling the effects of Covid-19. But psychotherapeutic theories suggest that ‘faking it to make it through’ cannot be sustained over a longer term if psycho-emotional damage is to be minimised. Nor is outright denial of reality healthy, such as flaunting social-distancing regulations or other ways of carrying on as if it doesn’t matter. 2. Escape Into Addiction Many of us have addictive elements to our personalities. Some addictive behaviour can be healthy, such as running or other regular exercise that releases endorphins to trigger positive feelings and to lower our perception of pain. Other forms of addiction - such as ‘retail therapy’ - are okay in moderation. Others - such as alcohol consumption and comfort eating - can quickly lead to health problems. The prevalence in this part of the world of a ‘Protestant work ethic’ can make us blind to another dangerous addiction that Slee identifies: overwork. She highlights that any addictive response is “a paradoxical one— escaping the overwhelmings by retreating into a compensatory overwhelming, trying to overwhelm the overwhelmings by an all-absorbing, totalizing habit which may succeed in blotting out the more profound overwhelmings, at least temporarily, but only at the cost of feeding and multiplying a hunger that is out of control”. 3. Anger, aggression and violence Whenever we witness social or collective overwhelmings (e.g. the Great Depression, defeat in war, etc) we often see scapegoating emerging. Individuals or groups are identified as being responsible for the ills suffered and violence can frequently ensue. In the present pandemic racist undercurrents have been reported in some peoples’ responses. As Slee observes: “I defend my own uncertain ground by attacking those I perceive as threats to it”. Gavin Dingwell and Tim Hillier have written a book with the provocative title: Blamestorming, Blamemongers and Scapegoats. Although predominantly containing observations on the criminal justice system, it insightfully highlights the tendency to seek to blame others when faced with seemingly intractable social ills. It is an unhealthy way of coping with some overwhelmings. 4. Reductionism Appealing as the KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid) principle may be, OD practitioners know that the ability to recognise and creatively respond to complexity is absolutely vital at all levels of life: personal, social and organisational. We live in an age that is increasingly complex yet has seen a growing suspicion and dismissal of ‘experts’ and ‘specialists’ (some of it justifiable). There is a danger in this that one dimensional depictions, alongside popular, simple and simplistic solutions, prevail with dangerous consequences. 5. Omnicompetence Some social commentators have observed that pandemics are one of those events that periodically remind human beings of our fragility. Despite all our technological advances (which we are immensely grateful for at times such as these) and established socio-economic systems, something so small that it cannot be seen in an optical microscope can still bring immense suffering and the threat of an economic crisis. By sheer willpower and ingenuity human beings have achieved great things but, as the ancient myths remind us, hubris easily usurps humility with tragic outcomes. 6. Despair Whilst workers in the nineteenth century predominantly suffered from physical industrial diseases, for those in the twenty-first century mental ill-health is as great an issue. Long before Covid-19, the multiple overwhelmings many people experienced in their daily life had become detrimental to their psycho-emotional well-being. Many now have limited levels of social support and live with heightened anxiety in lockdown conditions. Question: Which of these responses describe your ways of dealing with overwhelmings and how do they serve or fail you?

Multiple Overwhelmings Part 3

by Julie and David Beedon • 7 April 2020

Overwhelmings come in many different forms. The theologian Nicola Slee, developing and contextualising David Ford’s thinking, highlights six to consider. We share some of our own experiences of these forms of overwhelming: Personal and Domestic The stuff of daily life, the maintaining of relationships and the dramas inherent in that. For us (Julie and David) the last eight months has seen us move home twice (including two offices) so as to now be closer to our toddler grandson. The delight of being able to be regularly involved in his life is a positive overwhelming. A close family member had a major operation in January and came for many weeks to convalesce with us with all the drama that involved. In the background all the time are health concerns around our elderly mothers. It feels at times we are pulled in multiple generational directions! Professional The pressures and expectations of colleagues and customers, the complexity of work life. Independent consultants often feel the “feast or famine’ anxiety of either being overwhelmed by multiple business demands or worrying about future work (now exacerbated by Covid-19). Whenever either of us have worked internally in organisations we have experienced how issues of job security, an increasing ‘do more with less’ mentality or dysfunctional organisational politics can be overwhelming, especially in their wicked interplay. Political The divisions in society, the political discourses taking place and their impact on relationships. Whichever side of the divide you find yourself, Brexit has overwhelmingly changed the feel of UK politics which has impacted down to a domestic and personal level. Its aftershock and the tone of subsequent political discourse has left members of families and social networks bewildered towards one another, it certainly has in our case. (As we write this, news alerts on our phones have informed us PM Boris Johnson has gone into intensive care due to the coronavirus, reminding us of the indiscriminate nature of this threat that pays no heed to status or class.) Historical The anniversaries of social and political events and all that they evoke. We have found it curious that it is almost 100 years ago that the so-called Spanish Flu pandemic ceased. Commentators have frequently referred to this historical event that killed somewhere between 17 to 50 million people. In recent US reports on the Covid-19 pandemic references were made it being a ‘Pearl Harbour’ or ‘9/11’ moment in history. Some years ago we visited Eyam - the plague village in Derbyshire - and walked the streets following the house-to-house path of infection denoted on wall plaques. All these things are evoked powerfully at such times as these. Socio-Cultural The forces of global change, the technological and scientific advances, shifts in power and disruptions. Mass displacement of people due to war or famine has been something that has concerned us for many years. Likewise and related are issues of global justice. We have reflected during these current relatively moderate inconveniences (for us) of social restrictions how much worse daily life is for many people the world over whether or not there is a pandemic. One estimate suggests that globally 790 million people have no access to safe water and 1.8 billion are living without adequate sanitation. These challenges can feel overwhelming. Cosmic / Ecological Changes in ecosystems, climates, species and shifts in the nature of planetary existence. Whilst the threat of the coronavirus is immediate, Greta Thunberg’s passion and conviction has also reminded many of us that, for future generations especially, there is an even greater threat to their well-being, possibly even existence (see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVlRompc1yE). As grandparents this is a daunting prospect, particularly as for much of our life we lived in blissful ignorance of this threat. The thought of leaving behind a devastated eco-system fills us with dread. Reflection: Using these categories (as well as any others you can think of), map out your own multiple overwhelmings in their multiplicity and interconnectedness, if not in their actual detail.

Multiple Overwhelmings Part 2

by Julie and David Beedon • 6 April 2020

At the end of our last blog (Part 1) we asked: "So what are the specifics of your overwhelmings right now?" Hopefully you will have had opportunity to reflect on many of those things that leave you feeling bowled over, caught up or carried along by external forces - positive and negative. It is interesting how such things can even be both, at the same time. For example, we have found the coronavirus crisis has raised our anxiety - we both have elderly mothers who are vulnerable. But shared isolation has meant more opportunity for quality time together doing a number of things our 'normal' hectic schedules wouldn't allow - like co-writing blogs! David Ford (see Part 1) suggests we adopt three imperatives if we are to to lessen the chance of being overwhelmed by our overwhelmings. These imperatives can be thought of as stances we assume in life when faced with those experiences that generate dread or wonder in us: Name It - In reflection, conversation and creative expression. Human beings tend to fear the unknown and abnormal. The more we can become familiar with our overwhelmings the more tangible they become and their power to disable or paralyse our living is dissipated. We have run workshops about 'multiple overwhelmings' and the relief is palpable when we introduce the notion and give licence to participants to be honest about their experiences of these things. Reflective practice such as journaling can help us name our overwhelmings. Acknowledging the reality of positive overwhelmings can be a source of richer joy in life. Describe It - Using metaphors, films, science, social science and the arts. The poet Emily Dickinson wrote: "Tell all the truth but tell it slant." The nature of overwhelmings is such that it is not always easy to describe directly their texture - what it feels like to live inside them. In some prison-based research David undertook with indeterminately sentenced men one of the participants described his lived experience of never knowing if or when he would be released was like being in the film Groundhog Day . One of Julie's favourite poems for capturing what some negative overwhelmings are like is Stevie Smith's Not Waving But Drowning (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKHWEWOrL9s). Attend to the Shape of Living - Discern the 'one thing necessary'. David Ford uses the analogy of seeking to use new word processing software to illustrate this imperative. If it is a brand new programme there are always a lot of old keyboard habits to unlearn and new ones to acquire. The software's manual can seem overwhelming and often inaccessible. But you have to start somewhere so, by trial and error and a little consulting of the manual, you start to use programme. You progress by paying attention to the detail (e.g. what keystrokes do what) whilst not being overwhelmed by the whole repertoire of functions the software offers. Think about it: if you use Microsoft Word, who uses the whole capability of the package? If anyone waited until they had mastered every element of a word processing programme not much work would get done. In all types of overwhelmings, focus on the 'one thing necessary' and when you have done that move on to the next, and so on. The whole can overwhelm but if you attend to what your life in all its wholeness needs at any given moment things become less daunting. Question: Using films, poems, images or metaphors, how would you describe your current overwhelmings?

Multiple Overwhelmings Part 1

by Julie & David Beedon • 3 April 2020

In our fast paced and complex world it is unsurprising that even the most competent of people sometimes feel overwhelmed. As David Ford, a leading theologian, points out in his book The Shape of Living (1997) - this is normal. Even before the coronavirus pandemic, many of you may have felt on the edge of something(s) that had the power to stop you in your tracks. Overwhelmings can be positive or negative. Those who have witnessed the Thursday night neighbourhood applause in the UK for the NHS and other frontline workers will most likely have sensed a positive overwhelming. We certainly felt deeply moved. In this opening blog on 'multiple overwhelmings' let's begin with some definition of the notion that we are writing about. The following is condensed from a paper of Nicola Slee on the subject (https://doi.org/10.1080/1756073X.2016.1275466) : The experience of being overwhelmed, whether positive or negative, is being caught up, carried along, bowled over, by some thing – person, event, natural force – over which one has no control or choice. It's a pervasive tantalising experience which fills the whole person and/or community. Every aspect of mind, body, emotions and consciousness is pervaded. There is a sense of enormity, of existential dread/wonder – not of a particular thing, but of the nature and force of existence itself – which can be either paralysing or energising, terrifying or joyful. Question: So what are the specifics of your overwhelmings right now? (Try and identify positive and negative ones in all elements of your life - work and home.)

Transforming Conflict

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Conflict between individuals or groups is invariably painful. Few people enjoy it! But it is an inevitable aspect of human relationships, both at work and home (especially during times of change). We therefore seek to embrace conflict as an unavoidable part of the transformation process, operating with the mantra: "Resistance is fertile!" Julie's skills in this area of transformation have been honed at an organisational level where, she has noted, breakthroughs often occur when conflicting forces are honestly faced and dealt with in a creative and constructive way. David's work has been at the more interpersonal level and he has trained as a mediator. Having worked for three decades in faith-based and community-oriented fields (as well as in a prison environment) he recognises that whilst we naturally seek to avoid conflict, when it occurs the wisest approach is to acknowledge "the best way out is always through" (Robert Frost). Such a way - of transforming conflict - is best navigated with good companions, a service we offer.

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JBVISTA Reflections

Multiple Overwhelmings Part 5

Multiple Overwhelmings Part 4

Multiple Overwhelmings Part 3

Multiple Overwhelmings Part 2

Multiple Overwhelmings Part 1

Transforming Conflict

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Step Into Conflict

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Understanding Conflict

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Know Thyself

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